Let’s get one thing straight from the outset, there’s only thing you absolutely have to do if you are getting married, and that is to have the act registered. (As with births and deaths.) But you don’t have to have a religious wedding. You don’t have to have a humanist one. You don’t even have to have a ceremony at all.But you do have either to attend a register office for their (“conveyor belt”) ceremony or, if you choose to hold your wedding at licensed premises (such as some restaurants or hotels), the registrars will come out and do their bit there.
Choice
Most people see their wedding day as a major lifetime event and, understandably, want to make something special out of it. Assuming that the legal requirement is complied with (as above), you can celebrate your big day exactly as you please. You are only really limited by your budget and imagination!
Religious weddings
If you go down the religion route, then bear in mind that, with some variation, you must expect the service (like the register office one) to be based on prescribed readings. There won’t really be any individuality or personal stamp in most cases.
If that’s what you want, that is fine (it’s what I did, actually). However, there are other options.
Blessings
A lot of people don’t realise that IN ADDITION to the registrars’ service, you can hold your own choice of ceremony. This can be hours or a day or two after the legal bit or even (if it’s in licensed premises) straight afterwards. Whether you think of this as a blessing or the real ceremony makes no difference. You can still have a memorable, meaningful service that reflects the personalities and beliefs of both of you, and one that is everything you want it to be.
Venues
Firstly, you don’t have to hold the ceremony indoors. Assuming you ask permission and pay relevant fees, back gardens, parks, beaches, the London Eye, hot air balloons, and much else, will be available to you.
If you prefer to play safer (given our climate!), then indoors makes sense. Again, there is a huge raft of choices – this can include hotels, stately homes, zoos, aquaria, museums, and so on.
The Ceremony
Assuming you have settled on your venue and are happy with having a tailor-made ‘add-on’ to the registrar service, once more you have choices to make.
Do you want a formal, semi-formal or informal tone to your wedding? Do you want any religious elements? What sort of content are you looking for – secular, lyric, atmospheric, inspirational? Whom do you want to involve in your ceremony? Do you want rituals – and if so, what sort? What about the vows and rings?
Just a few of the questions that normally need to be addressed. If you want advice, ideas and guidance, a Civil Celebrant is the go-to person. As well as conducting your ceremony professionally, he will have experience and be able to create a draft that matches your requirements (and help you along, if you’re not sure what to do).
Depending on what appeals to you, here are a few suggestions to get you started.
Handfastings
A popular choice is a handfasting ceremony. This is the origin of our phrase “tying the knot” and it involves tying the hands of the couple with ribbons/cloth in the shape of the infinity symbol (representing the coming together of the pair for the long term). It can be brief, but for pagans it can constitute the major part of proceedings.
Wine Ceremony/Loving Cup
The couple can combine white and red wine in one glass and then drink from it. Alternatively, they can both drink (the same beverage) from the same glass. Both symbolise unity. (From experience, I’d say that the amount of alcohol on offer should probably be at the celebrant’s discretion, not the groom’s!)
Jumping the Broom
A light-hearted moment, as the couple together jump over a besom. It symbolises clearing old negativity with a sweep of the broom and creating a threshold for the couple to cross over into their new life together.
Wine Box/Love Letter
Before the wedding, the couple write love letters to each other which they seal in an envelope. They place their favourite drink and any other memorabilia in the wine box. If this takes place during the wedding itself, they will seal the box and vow not to open it until an anniversary of their choice. (The exception being if their relationship becomes strained; then they can consume the drink and read the letters, which should remind them why they fell in love and chose to be together in the first place!)
This may give you a flavour of what is possible. Your civil celebrant will be able to advise further.
Summing up
To conclude, although you have to do the legal bit in order to get married, how you actually celebrate the occasion is completely up to you. There is an almost infinite choice of venues, indoor or out, and a significant choice of types of ceremonies.
So now that you’re aware of some of the possibilities, go explore! There are a myriad delights lying in store for you!
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